Chase's Chatter: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells – an assault on the ears or or just over the top?

When I approached that supermarket, I had no idea I was about to be attacked. Had I known about the upcoming onslaught, I would’ve brought ear plugs in preparation.

But I was attacked the very moment I entered that shiny glass door. If you want to call it a door, that is. Looking back, it seemed more like the entrance to a siege tower I’d been dumb enough to walk straight into.

“Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,” the overhead speakers rang.

Dropping to my knees, I let out a bellow of defeat. It had already begun – incessant holiday music was already playing throughout stores. And I was powerless to stop it.

Allow me to clarify, I don’t dislike holiday music. Quite the opposite, in fact. I adore holiday music, it has a unique ability to take you back in time. You can hear a classic holiday tune and, as if captured by a twinkling time machine, you’re flooded with memories you were just on the cusp of forgetting. And through the flurry of bells and angelic choirs, everything seems just a bit simpler even if only in principle. It’s as if those happy tenor-filled carols have the ability to draw out the innocent wonder from people like a secret, inherent antidote to their woes they’d been too proud to use before.

But I can’t stand being bombarded with these carols when I just want to do some shopping.

Because holiday music, like any good thing, is best in moderation. The reason it possesses this magical effect is because it’s seasonal, because it’s temporary. It’s sort of fragile in this odd way.

Holiday music is like a snowflake – its appeal melts pretty quickly. As nature dictates, its beautiful patterns and shapes melt as you enjoy it. And that’s why you enjoy it, because it won’t last long. It’s not meant to. 

When stores begin playing Michael Buble and Mariah Carey in November, it starts the melting process too soon. A month is about the maximum period of time that holiday music can be properly enjoyed. And that’s being generous. Realistically, two to three weeks of daily jingles and festive verses can often suffice.

I suppose I can’t be too hard on supermarkets. Holiday music oversaturates every orifice of society this time of year. Various radio stations play it constantly. Advertisements on TV do it. Even strangers on the street or in line at the movie theater hum their favorite holiday tunes.

I don’t necessarily want to stop this siege of familiar music. Granted, I know I don’t have much say in the matter, but I truly don’t hate Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Frosty the Snowman. I just want them to wait a bit before crawling inside my ear canals 24/7.

And because I’m not simply complaining for the sake of filling paper, I propose a solution. We should all make a conscious effort to avoid holiday music once a week, say each Wednesday, for the next two months. That means no humming about Santa Claus or good tidings, no scratching of those Bing Crosby records all day. 

Then maybe, just maybe, all those comfortable jingles will have a chance to work their time-warping magic on us every time they kiss our ears.